FOX's 'K-ville' misses its mark

I knew it as soon as Anthony Anderson uttered the words, “How’s your momma and dem?”

FOX’s new cop series, “K-Ville,” is the latest attempt by Hollywood to capture the intricate soul of New Orleans and edit it for television. Like most productions before it, “K-Ville” drowns in a lake of clichés. (Please excuse the flood reference.)

The show premiered at 8 p.m. Monday night, with a second episode airing Tuesday.

Audiences were introduced to main character Marlin Boulet (Anderson), a New Orleans police officer still dealing with demons brought on by the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Boulet’s partner Charlie (Derek Webster) abandoned him after the storm, and the memory is seriously messing with Boulet’s head. (Not to mention, Charlie appears – unnecessarily – at various points in the pilot, groveling and begging for his job back.)

Boulet’s new partner, Trevor Cobb (Cole Hauser), is greeted hastily as an outsider. Cobb is meant to be a mysterious character, but unfortunately, the show’s writers let his criminal past out of the bag before audiences could even begin to be intrigued.

Monday night’s plot was too complicated and easily forgettable... Something about a disgruntled New Orleans blueblood buying up plots of land in the 9th Ward so “those responsible” for her brother’s murder would never resettle the area. And some Army-special-ops-turned-casino-security-guards were involved as well. I forget.

For me, the plot ceases to matter when the details are so off-the-mark. Sure, it was interesting to see Hollywood-style explosions and cars flying through the air Blues Brothers-style amongst historic New Orleans architecture. FOX, as a network, is pretty good about its action sequences.

But the show seemed, well, scripted. It was so bad that I could almost envision the cast sitting around a table going over its lines in pre-production. And it doesn’t help that every time I look at Anderson, I get visions of “Kangaroo Jack.” (I admit, I’ve never seen him as a gangster in USA’s “The Shield.”) He’s a fine enough actor, but I have trouble taking him seriously.

The writers seemed obsessed with weaving in local “isms” – like “neutral grounds” and “gumbo parties” (which is a new term for me, and I’ve lived here all my life). And then there were the egregious references to the hardest-to-say streets, like Carondelet and Rocheblave. (Nevermind that those streets probably don’t intersect and therefore cannot host a high-speed chase.) The aforementioned blueblood antagonists made their residence in what looked like St. James Parish’s Oak Alley Plantation, but step outside their yard, and you’re back in the Quarter. I, for one, was confused.

And then, after all the forced acting and forced references to local culture, came the preachiness.

Boulet scolds a neighborhood kid for trying to dig up and steal a cypress tree sapling from the officer’s front yard. The cypress tree, Boulet says, is (his) favorite tree; it used to grow throughout this great city before the salty water flooded the area. (If you don’t understand how that information could be preachy, just imagine if Ray Nagin had slipped it into his “Chocolate City” speech.)

That being said, I am in no way offended by the slightly negative portrayal of the NOPD. Boulet’s a cop who drinks on duty. Cobb is a convicted armed robber who escaped four months of prison time after Katrina flooded his jail cell. No one seems to care. That could actually be the closest thing to reality the show contains.

“K-Ville” has its heart in the right place as a dramatic show that could bring some much-needed publicity to post-Katrina New Orleans. The city still needs all the help it can get. It’s just too bad the show gets caught up in its setting to the detriment of acting, pacing, plot and character development.

The first five minutes of the show – which draw heavily on flashbacks set on an elevated portion of the interstate after Katrina – was the hour’s most compelling. I’m not sure any amount of make-believe drama could top the reality of what happened in New Orleans two years ago.

I’m afraid Katrina, the impetus for the show, will actually be its downfall.

It’s really a shame the show won’t make it past the first six episodes. According to accounts on Internet message boards, the cast and crew of “K-Ville” are extremely professional and welcoming to local extras on the set.

We need their business.

Uniforms at Ponchatoula High

The Daily Star was barraged by messages Wednesday from current and former Ponchatoula High School students regarding the enforcement of the dress code since the beginning of classes this school year.

You can read about the issue here.

Who's overreacting – School administrators or students?

Senator Vitter - Sins of the Past, Repercussions in the Present

By now even people in China know about U.S. Sen. David Vitter's (R-La.) admission to doing business with D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey.

Vitter's number showed up in Palfrey's phone records, which were posted to the Internet in advance of other possible reports. Palfrey's lawyer said the information had possibly been pirated, and the prostitution-ring leader wanted to offer the truth.

Public corrpution blog TPMmuckraker.com says that Hustler magazine and publisher Larry Flynt's investigation into the matter prompted Vitter's confession and apology to the Associated Press.

Meanwhile, CBS news is praising Internet blogs for calling Vitter, a "family values Republican," to task for his "criminal" actions. Mainstream news outlets, they say, are downplaying the story and steering clear of commentary.

Also, BayouBuzz wonders if this newest scandal could have an effect on Bobby Jindal's bid for Louisiana governor. Jindal is in many ways Vitter's protege, the blog says.

And then there's the link between Vitter and Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani. (Vitter is the Giuliani campaign's regional campaign chairman for the South.)

Does a man who once said the issue of gay marriage was more important than any other, have any credibility when it comes to supporting any law that would preserve the "sanctity" of marriage?

Should Vitter suffer any political repercussions for his illegal actions?

Should he resign?

Lessons in a jail cell

Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is turning over a new leaf during her time in prison.

Her world's so messed up that she's taken to answering her fan mail personally.

Hilton should certainly cling to whatever fan base she has left after being sent back to jail for violating her probation – twice. Of course, Hilton was arrested Feb. 27 for driving with a suspended license less than a year after being initially arrested and convicted of driving under the influence.

Her case, silly as it may seem, has brought important issues to the forefront – how wealth and class functions within the justice system, if mental anguish should be cause to release low-risk prisoners and – most important of all – why is Hilton famous, exactly?

I have to say that I did feel sorry for Hilton after her June 7 release. She turned herself in only three days earlier thinking she was going to serve 23 days in an albeit "nice" prison cell. After less than a day of house arrest, she was back in jail – this time for the full 45-day sentence.

It's not that I have a problem with Hilton serving her full sentence. DUI is an extremely serious offense no matter who you are. Not to mention, her "mental condition" excuse for getting out of jail was completely bogus.

But the fact remains that Hilton didn't exactly let herself out of jail. I would hope the powers that render justice in this country would be better at making up their minds. Even criminals should have the right not to be jerked around by a sheriff and judge for political gain.

And there's no mistaking that public opinion also helped put Hilton back in the slammer. But since when does what the public think of a person have anything to do with his or her punishment for a crime? If this were the 13th century I'd imagine a mob with burning sticks would show up at Hilton's castle and physically put her in the town dungeon. That's a scary prospect.

So while Paris reconnects with her fans, "finds God" and makes plans to become the next Angelina Jolie, let's at least take some real lessons away from her ordeal. They're there if you can get behind the paparazzi's glare.

Beweare promgoers: Watch your front

Ah, prom season. Most people can’t help but get all nostalgic thinking about gowns, limo rides, dancing and.... cleavage?!

For a group of students at L.W. Higgins High School in Jefferson Parish, all they’ll remember about that fateful night is that they might not have put their best chests forward on Saturday.

A teacher denied admission to about 50 girls who she thought were wearing overly revealing gowns. Twenty-five of the girls altered their dresses and were let in; the other half missed out on a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Luckily, with age one learns that prom means very little in the grand scheme of things. It’s just a shame the affected students don’t realize this yet. If they did, it’d be a lot easier for them to get over how annoying some teachers can be.

Some of the parents are actually threatening to sue the public school system over the issue. They’d be wasting their time. In case after court case, a school system’s authority to govern appropriate dress trumps the judgment of parents.

Furthermore, Jefferson Parish’s student dress code prohibits clothing that exposes the student’s back, chest or midriff. That sounds vague to me, but school officials did say they publicized the rule in classrooms before the event.

They publicized it so well, in fact, that at least one student brought in a picture of her dress to an administrator and was given the OK. And, you guessed it, that same student was denied entrance into the prom.

According to the student dress code posted online for Tangipahoa Parish Schools, the written policy does not include a section on special event attire. If the regular daytime school uniform policy were to be followed, dresses themselves wouldn’t even be allowed. Should the school board have a separate special occasion school function dress code?

So it begs the question: Exactly what is appropriate to wear to prom these days? From the television news reports I saw, none of the Higgins girls were wearing anything out of the ordinary. Yes, some of the dresses were low-cut or strapless. But nowadays, that’s pretty much all the department stores sell at prom time. From the hype generated, I was sure I was going to see some kind of see-through stripperwear.

What constitutes a non-bared chest? Are we talking turtleneck, scoop neck, v-neck? It’s all very confusing. And maybe the most confusing of all is why a principal or other administrator wasn’t involved in the decision-making.

Jefferson Parish School officials now say the best bet is to bring the dress to school and model it for an administrator beforehand. If I had to go through all that, I’d be more happy doing my own thing on prom night.

The prom is just one night among 12 long years of uniform-wearing and dress code-abiding. To nitpick about necklines seems a little absurd.

Meanwhile, the parents of the Higgins girls are lobbying for at least one fair goal – the reimbursement of their children’s $100-a-couple prom tickets.

Your choice for superintendent

Which of the following five candidates is your choice for school superintendent?

Linda Monteleone Abels
Mark Kolwe
Charles S. Michel, Ph.D.
Carol T. Smith
Elizabeth Duran Swinford, Ed.D.

To learn about the candidates, click here.

'Idol' less about singing, more about sideshow

After experiencing five seasons of “American Idol,” singing tends to take a back seat to the cultural spectacle of this most ubiquitous of ubiquitous television shows.

What will I remember about Tuesday night’s episode? It won’t be Lakisha Jones’ impeccable vocal control. It won’t be Melinda Doolittle’s understated but powerful vocal style.

But I will remember the preteen girl in the audience who cried for the two-hour duration of the show. (I’m betting she cried during Sanjaya Malakar’s performance because she liked it, but one can never be sure.)

And I’ll remember how Blake Lewis’ “beatboxing” screwed up the perfectly respectable 1960s hit “Time of the Season.” Oh, and let’s not forget the premiere of Haley Scarnato’s legs thanks to her brown short-shorts.

After all, we’re talking about the season that gave us Antonella Barba, the arrogantly bad singer from New Jersey best known for her revealing “personal” photos on the Internet. And we’re only just boiling it down to the top 10.

It’s getting harder and harder for an “Idol” purist like me to fully embrace the show, but I have to admit, it’s hard to look away. I have favorites just like everyone else, but I actually listen to the performances and vote based on vocal ability. If someone has a bad night, I won’t vote for him or her. I tend not to factor in previous performances and cutesy gimmicks. (“Beatboxing” and “impersonating Justin Timberlake” are both in that category). I guess I’m the Simon Cowell of phone voting.

I performed in choirs, had voice lessons and actually got up and sang solo in front of packed gymnasiums in my lifetime, so I tend to think I can make informed opinions about the quality of “American Idol” vocals. Just the fact that oh-so-cool rocker chick Gina Glocksen is still in the competition tells me that America doesn’t share my view.

Over and over, Cowell has reminded us that this is a “singing competition.” In fact, I’ve heard those two words probably more this season than in any other. It’s a shame that we need to be reminded.

And it’s also interesting that the further the show drifts away from its stated purpose, the more respected it’s becoming. The short,informative documentary about the British musical invasion of the 1960s, the night’s theme, actually made me think “Idol” is a cultured, non-corny program. Really, those vignettes just show off host Ryan Seacrest’s narrating prowess.

But credibility doesn’t seem to be an issue for “Idol,” which consistently draws in top ratings each week. Yet there are a few other reasons people might just keep believing.

Two of them are Doolittle and Jones. While they don’t have the judges’ standard “uniqueness,” they do have judge Randy Jackson’s “Yo Factor.” These two are straight up talented singers. They don’t miss notes. They’re never “pitchy.” They just make it look all too easy. Jordin Sparks is up there, too.

The only guy I’m even remotely impressed with is Chris Sligh (the Jack Osbourne look-alike). He takes real risks with his song choices, and he’s got a voice that sounds unlike almost anything I’ve heard on the show before. Phil Stacey is in a distant second.

And even if you can’t find a thing to like in this year’s crop of “Idol” hopefuls, at least tune in to see what gay joke Cowell will hurl at Seacrest each night. And, don’t forget, you’ll definitely want to see what Malakar’s done to his hair.

Grammy Award voters obsessed with politics this year

Plus: School Board should continue to listen up; Anna Nicole being taken in death

Observations at the Grammy Awards: Unfortunately, I sat through the entire Grammy Awards telecast Sunday night. Most of the performances were underwhelming, even the big Police reunion and the otherwise-incredible Red Hot Chili Peppers. But I did learn a few things.

One – Mary J. Blige is apparently the new Jesus. She is a talented singer, if not a bit overrated. But she acts as if she is the only person to ever get over substance addiction and clean up her act. Blige got more stage time than almost anyone else, and it wasn’t just because she won three awards. She’s been advocating this “No More Drama” life-outlook for a few years now, and it’s annoying. Really, Mary, we get it.

At this point, she’s the perfect candidate to start her own religion.

Two - Speaking of annoying, I was really insulted by the Dixie Chicks and their “nanny nanny boo boo” acceptance speeches. It’s really too bad their five Grammys this year are based on politics and not musical merit, because they stole awards from artists who truly deserved it.

I think the Chicks are very talented, but their album, “Taking the Long Way,” is just mediocre folk rock. The Chicks themselves admitted they’re really not “country” artists anymore. When country radio banned them, they jumped ship accordingly.

While it’s true that most Grammy winners in country categories historically had very little radio airplay – Alison Krauss and Johnny Cash are two examples – I wonder why the Chicks even got categorized the way they did.

I know contemporary country music is very pop-oriented, but when does music cease to be “country?” Is it really all about being connected to the formal industry in Nashville?
Either way, it’s clear that the Chicks got the sympathy vote, fair and square.

Three – Christina Aguilera’s cover of James Brown’s “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” was stunning. And by “stunning,” I mean stunningly oversung.

The greatest thing about the performance was the look on Jamie Foxx’s face afterward. It totally said, “Yep, I could have done better.”

Four – Reba McEntire had the perfect opportunity to make a snarky comment about the Dixie Chicks, but she stuck to the script as she introduced Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts. Maybe she’ll say something on “The View” one day.

•••

Let the people speak: I hope I’m not in the minority in my complete opposition to the Tangipahoa Parish School Board’s proposal to further restrict public comments at board meetings.

I’m sure you’re wondering why the entertainment column writer even cares about this. My parents were pivotal in getting a Louisiana law passed in the 1990s that requires school boards to hear comments from the public before taking votes. Before then, in St. Charles Parish, the school board would simply hold its meeting in public and then hold a general public input segment after the meeting was over. The public comments were never shown on the public access cable channel.

I think the Tangipahoa School Board is afraid of just that – publicity. Sure, some people misuse their right to make comments by acting irrationally or making false claims. But that’s what the school board members signed up for when they took their oaths of office. The board should respond cordially to these claims instead of ignoring them.

It’s OK for people to disagree, and it’s OK for a comment from the public to make a board member rethink his or her position on an issue. Supposedly the proposed rules are to try to eliminate people even having to address the board in the first place by requiring them to sign up to speak and consulting the superintendent the day before the meeting is scheduled.

But many situations simply aren’t made to be taken care of by an administrator. The opposition to a school uniform policy is just one of those situations. In that case, a person’s opinion deserves to be heard in public.

The board should be encouraging more involvement by community members and parents, many of whom could offer precious insight into the educational process. Instead it is seeking to discourage that.

•••

Anna Nicole – The plot thickens: For some reason I can’t seem to get the theme song from “The Anna Nicole Show” out of my head. Oh that’s right, it’s because I can’t go 30 minutes without reading or watching something new about the dead Playboy Playmate.

This week “Entertainment Tonight” is rolling out its exclusive interviews with Anna Nicole Smith’s partner, Howard K. Stern. Just the fact that he’s willing to sell his grief is disgusting. And unfortunately, Smith’s baby daughter has to be taken along for the ride.

There are way too many facets to this story to make it leave the spotlight anytime soon – the paternity of Smith’s baby, the fate of her late husband’s fortune, the drug use, etc.

But look for the most shocking information to come from the goods that were stolen from the home Smith and Stern had been living in in the Bahamas. Apparently pictures, important documents and even Dannielynn’s birth certificate were taken. These will be sold to magazines and published.

Smith asked for all the publicity she received in life. But even she doesn’t deserve to have her personal effects pillaged and then sold for profit.

Hopefully everything will be settled sooner rather than later, for the sake of Dannielynn. But I’m guessing that won’t happen.

Blah, Blah, Blogging... about the SAINTS

The Saints being poised to make it into Superbowl XLI is surreal news for what’s now an equally surreal world.

This thing is starting to make me question reality. I’m sure part of The Matrix got miscoded a few months ago, and this is the result.

I’ll call Keanu Reeves and see what he can do about sending a heat wave over Chicago Sunday afternoon.

On to the hits and misses...


Please, leave the trash-talk on the Senate floor — Illinois Senator Barack Obama said Monday that the Saints should be prepared for their “fairytale ride” to come to an end Sunday. For someone who’s toying with running for the Democratic presidential nomination, he sure doesn’t know how to get or keep support in the Deep South.

Personally I think Obama should give his free playoff ticket to a New Orleans storm victim and pay for his or her travel expenses.

Where Y’at, FCC? — If you noticed the blond Saints fan with the offensive T-shirt broadcast during the game Saturday night, you’re not alone. Apparently her name is Heather, and she’s become a minor celebrity on YouTube.com.

Tuesday evening a local radio station was attempting to interview her, all because a FOX producer couldn’t see the F-word right in front of his face.

According to an e-mail from FOX spokesman Lou D’Ermilio, the scene was not live. It was recorded during a play and aired during a replay.

Nice going. But in a world where those words can fly fast and free after 11 p.m. on Comedy Central, is a second’s worth of profanity really that big of a deal? You tell me.


Angelina Jolie, Southern soccer mom — The biggest celebrity news coming out of New Orleans is that actress Angelina Jolie and her boyfriend/fiance/babydaddy Brad Pitt have bought a $3.5 million home in the French Quarter. Jolie says she wants to befriend “normal moms” and send her three children (two adopted, one not) to school in the city.

The other reason for the move — to escape the paparazzi — has pretty much been neutralized by the fact that everyone knows where she’s moving. The best way to avoid stalkers is, of course, to announce your move in US Weekly magazine.

Pitt has been doing some charity work in the city while filming another movie, so it’s probably convenient for them to be here right now. But I’m sure when the novelty wears off, they’ll go back to La La Land.

Then again, if there’s any celebrity who’s experienced the gamut of primitive, Third World conditions, it’s Jolie, who adopts children from impoverished countries and travels the world for the United Nations. And there’s that dark side of hers, the one prone to gothic dress and wearing vials of blood as jewelry.

At least the city will collect taxes on the property and rent some hotel rooms to paparazzi. And I’m sure they’ll grab a bite to eat while they’re in town. So thanks, Angelina and Brad, for improving New Orleans’ tourism outlook.


I’ll leave the Golden Globes up to you — Due to an interruption in my cable service Monday night, I missed the Golden Globe Awards. But I don’t feel like I missed out on much, not when I can tune into “The Insider” and get all the silly coverage I need.

“American Idol” alum Jennifer Hudson took home an award for “Dreamgirls” (never seen it), “Babel” won for best picture (never seen it) and America Ferrera won as TV’s “Ugly Betty” (never seen it).

Maybe Charter Communications did me a favor by forcing me to spend the night working on my computer.

The full list of winners can be found here. Is it just me, or is Hollywood once again proving that it’s out of touch with the likes and dislikes of the American public?

Tangipahoa School Board colors outside the lines

The Tangipahoa School Board is beginning its search for a new superintendent, but it might not want an educator to fill the position.

It is asking the state BESE board to grant an exemption to its policy that public school superintendents be certified educators.

Would the school board be doing the right thing by hiring a non-educator, or should it follow the rules?

Read the full story here.

"God Warrior" strikes again

Ponchatoula's Marguerite Perrin is set to appear on FOX reality show "Trading Spouses" once again next week. Daily Star staff writer Libby Haydel found out she was the only former guest to be asked to do another episode.

Her last appearance was marked by an angry rant against her Wiccan host family that has been parodied by many, including one drag queen. Perrin wants to show America she is not as closed-minded as she appeared the first time around.

Will Perrin improve her image by appearing on "Trading Spouses" again, or has the damage already been done?

Read the full story here.

Smoking a no-no on campus?

New smoking restrictions on the Southeastern Louisiana University campus are being implemented to “clear the air” near entrances to academic buildings.

The restrictions coincide with the Louisiana Smoke-Free Air Act that went into effect Jan. 1, Provost and Vice President of Academic Affairs John Crain said.

The policy expands SLU’s efforts initiated in 2003 that allowed smoking only in designated areas around certain buildings, he said. Designated smoking areas have been created near D Vickers Hall, Garrett Hall, Fayard Hall and Sims Memorial Library.

Smoking will be banned at the entrances to Mims Hall, the Biology Building, certain areas on the north campus and in the mall of the War Memorial Student Union.

Should smoking be banned at other locations on campus? Or is SLU overdoing the new smoking ban by making even outside areas smoke-free?

Blog note

In 2007, the regular blog column will be published in monthly editions of Downtown. Look for the next blog right here on Thursday, Jan. 18.

Sugarbowl 2007

NEW ORLEANS—They say Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn is the best quarterback coming into the NFL Draft, a possible No. 1 overall pick even.

“They” almost certainly are re-evaluating that assessment today — especially if LSU quarterback JaMarcus Russell’s tour de force performance in the Sugar Bowl Wednesday night was indeed his collegiate swan song.

Russell’s MVP showing — 21-for-34 (62 percent) passing for 332 yards and two TDs and one interception — produced a double blowout in the Superdome. One was the final score, a 41-14 LSU victory that was just as one-sided as most observers who questioned Notre Dame’s BCS worthiness expected.

The other laugher was the highly touted matchup of quarterbacks, which most saw as perhaps the best quarterback duel on offer this bowl season. To be sure, it certainly helped that Russell didn’t have to play against an LSU defense which was ranked among the nation’s elite and played like it against the fighting Irish.

Still, those pro scouts who questioned Quinn’s accuracy saw plenty of ammunition to back up that claim. He finished just 15-for-35, hitting just 43 percent of his throws, and many of the ones he did hit were hardly the crisp, sure throws you look for from No. 1 pick-type quarterbacks.

Russell, on the other hand, played a game that might even have been good enough to quiet the LSU fans who still nitpick his every move. Ditto for Tigers coach Les Miles, whose coaching accumen has also been questioned by LSU’s semi-faithful.

But on this night Miles dominated his matchup as well with Notre Dame’s Super Bowl ring-laden Charlie Weis. It was expected that, given weeks to prepare and dissect LSU’s schemes, Weis’s Irish ingenuity would confuse the supposedly confusable Russell.

Didn’t happen — just like Weis’s call for a fake punt from his own 34 on the game’s first series against one of the nation’s top defenses wasn’t happening.

And then there was this Weis witticism after watching LSU jump his team for a 14-0 lead in the first eight minutes, and after Weis was duped by the Irish rally to tie it at 14-14:

“I saw no signs (at halftime) that we’d play a complimentary crummy second half,” said Weis, before conceding his error. “For the rest of the game they really laid the wood on us.”

Chalk that up to Weis whistling past the alleged ancient Indian burial ground beneath his feet in the Superdome, with Notre Dame safety Tom Zbikowski providing backup vocals.

“We didn’t make the plays, but I didn’t see any speed that we haven’t seen before,” Zbikowski sniffed.

Of course, Zbikowski — we were able to identify him on the postgame interview dais only via dental records — didn’t mention that the Irish DBs were burned beyond recognition all those other times they saw LSU’s brand of speed this season, too.

Those forced to watch the game bereft of Irish eyes saw the mismatch in the making.

“You saw big, strong men imposing their will on the defense,” said Miles, whose coaches made it easy for the Tigers. LSU must have been feeling a little deja vu when what they saw on the field looked eerily similar to what they had watched in the meeting room cinema.

“We have a month to prepare for something, you go zoom in and key on certain things,” Tigers receiver Chris Davis said. “Exactly what we saw on film was exactly what they played.”

“Give credit to our coaches for scouting so good and doing their job,” Russell said. “It made it easy for us.”

If anything, perhaps a little too easy, Russell said.

“It was too good, too fast,” he said of the Tigers’ jump to a quick 14-0 lead, then the inevitable lax before ripping off the last 27 points of the game.

And most of it was Russell taking advantage of the mismatches his receivers offered against the Notre Dame secondary. And for once, maybe it will be OK for LSU fans to give Russell his props. A guy who supposedly can’t read defenses very well did a pretty good job of dissecting the schemes the highly respected Weis came up with.

“What people don’t understand about JaMarcus is how smart he is,” Miles said. “He’s a very bright quarterback, understands what he’s looking at. If there’s a characteristic that a great quarterback has, I suspect JaMarcus has it.”

That’s something a lot of LSU fans and Heisman Trophy-voting media types haven’t always seen eye-to-eye with Miles on. But can there be any doubt left now as to who the No. 1 quarterback in the NFL Draft would be if Russell goes ahead and opts to come out after his junior year?

And why not, after Wednesday’s performance, one which left me feeling like Miles might secretly be hoping Russell does go ahead and pull that trigger. After all, it’s not like LSU’s QB cupboard is bare, and Russell’s departure would clear the decks for the Tigers to get highly touted freshman Ryan Perrilloux into the lineup and keep him from, say, jumping to some nearby, quarterback-needy I-AA team that could offer him a platform for his skills right away.

I mean, if there were such a team somewhere that fits that description.

Still, Miles can dream.

“I don’t know why he wasn’t mentioned for the Heisman,” Miles said. “I can tell you this, in short order he has to make a very difficult decision. Certainly he will be offered a pile of money. But if he returns, he’ll certainly be a Heisman Trophy candidate. And (LSU SID) Michael Bonnette, he’d better get the (Heisman campaign) mockups ready.”

– Commentary by John Lenz, Daily Star Sports Editor

Many Americans take shopping down to wire

That most-asked holiday question — “Have you finished your Christmas shopping?” — is starting to wear on my nerves.

And apparently I’m not alone in my unfinished business.

According to Consumer Reports magazine, 30 percent of Americans won’t finish their holiday shopping until the evening of Dec. 24. Better yet, one third of Americans hadn’t even begun their gift-buying until Dec. 10.

Regifting, the term Jerry Seinfeld coined for giving a previously-gotten gift to an unsuspecting friend or family member, is also an attractive option for late shoppers. According to the poll, 13 percent of consumers are planning to “regift” at least one item.

The biggest problem with regifting is the lack of originality. But if I’ve learned anything from HGTV’s “Cash in the Attic” and “Design Remix,” it’s that we have so much stuff nowadays, it’s entirely possible to “go shopping” in one’s own home.

I think what all this crucial data is saying is that we’re caring less and less for the commercial trappings of Christmas. Many people I’ve talked to have opted for simple get-togethers sans presents this year. Maybe advertising blitzes and long lines have killed the true meaning behind giving gifts. And fancy “things” can only make one happy for so long.

I, on the other hand, take gifts and cash in all forms, even credit cards. What some people might see as an irrelevant gift I see as a listing on Ebay.com.

Animals in the news:

What did your pet get for Christmas? (Don’t say it aloud. Fluffy might hear you.)

Fifty two percent of pet owners are buying toys, treats and clothing for their pets this year.

I’m crazy-as-charged, and I don’t even own a dog. I spent over $20 on a package of spa treatments for one of my friend’s dogs, which coincidentally has a larger wardrobe than I do.

I can’t help that it’s a lot easier to shop for a non-human. If you think an animal will like something, they probably will. They seem to genuinely appreciate it, unlike some people.

Maybe animals don’t know about the birth of Jesus, but all dogs go to heaven, right?

Speaking of Fido:

Britney Spears has been named World’s Worst Celebrity Dog Owner in an online poll of readers of Hollywood Dog and New York Dog magazines.

How did Spears win this coveted award? She got rid of her three Chihuahuas because of her two children, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Spears’ soon-to-be ex-husband, Kevin Federline, said the house was too hectic, and the dogs were re-homed with friends of the couple.

Sympathetic to animal rescue, I always tend to get frustrated when people don’t want to at least try to work with their animals when a new baby comes into the picture.

I’m not sure why Spears couldn’t just hire a dog nanny or maybe give the pooches a wing in her mansion. Seems like a workable solution to me.

But Britney deserves a break on this one, especially when Paris Hilton’s running around buying illegal tropical rain forest inhabitants to keep in her menagerie, then getting bitten by them.

Onstage at the 2007 Grammy Awards:

You. Ever since Time Magazine named all of us their “person of the year,” “we” have ever-increasing chances to offer our personalized entertainment and news content to the world.

The latest chance comes from Spears’ ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake. He’s looking for someone to sing with him at the Grammy Awards to be held in Los Angeles on Feb. 11.

Instead of going to any number of his diva contemporaries, he wants YOU to upload a 60-second video clip of yourself singing one of nine selected Grammy-winning songs. Twelve contestants will be chosen from the audition videos, and an “American Idol”-like competition will ensue, with people voting on who they want to see on the Grammy stage. Three finalists will be flown to the Grammys, and the winner will be announced during the broadcast and hop onstage to sing.

Since when did award shows become reality TV?

To enter (or have fun watching people make fools of themselves), go to www.music.yahoo.com/mygrammymoment.

Another roundup – Brad Pitt; Mute Math; Is it really 'Idol' time again?

Money ‘Pitt’ — Brad Pitt showed up in New Orleans last week. Usually this means he’s pushing some pie-in-the-sky do-gooder scheme, like “green building.” (I’m still not sure what that was all about.)

But this time Pitt was actually doing good — he was filming a movie called “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” which is coincidentally the biggest-budget film ever to be shot in the Crescent City.

I agree with my readers about celebrities like Pitt and Sean Penn “acting” like they’re humanitarians when they’re really out to get publicity. But I’ll give him more credit for his chosen career. I hope he makes tons of movies in Louisiana. The more movie industry business New Orleans gets, the better. That boost to the economy will help local people more than any eco-friendly house ever could.

And Brad, I hope you didn’t forget to tip well at those nightspots you were spotted at. Oh, and throw in some of Angie’s money, too.

Look for “Benjamin Button” in 2008.

‘Muted’ mayhem – Now that I’ve gotten some great suggestions on local country artists, I’d like to throw a musical suggestion back at you: Mute Math.

The name actually has a deep, spiritual meaning that I won’t get into, but these guys are one of the best bands coming out of southern Louisiana right now. I wasn’t surprised when they popped up on ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” as the musical guest Friday night. After playing at New Orleans’ Voodoo Music Festival and Tennessee’s Bonaroo Festival earlier this year, they’re on the cusp of mainstream popularity.

Here’s how I describe their sound: Reggae-ish Sting meets electronica meets experimental rock. And they’re one progressive act you don’t have to worry about your kids getting into. They’re actually veterans of the Christian music industry looking to deliver a positive message without sacrificing audience numbers.

Plus, they’re the only band I can think of that can make smashing fluorescent lights in a fit of rock star rage with the neck of a keytar seem hardcore. In fact, they’re the only band I can think of that still uses a keytar.
Check them out: www. myspace.com/mutemath.

Time’s flying by – I’m not a huge movie-watcher, but over the weekend I rented “American Dreamz,” starring Hugh Grant and Mandy Moore. It’s actually a quite disturbing film. It makes spoofing “American Idol” a satirical high art.

But what’s even more disturbing is the image of Simon Cowell on my television telling me that another season of “American Idol” is coming soon.

Is it really that time again?

But who am I kidding? “American Idol” has become like a season in my family. It’s the one just after Christmas and right before Carnival.

And for you Soul Patrollers: Taylor Hicks’ full-length album comes out on Dec. 12.

The Great Smokeout – Also coming soon: Enforcement of the Louisiana Smoke-Free Air Act. Don’t expect to smoke a cigarette in a restaurant anytime soon, in Louisiana at least.

Southeastern Louisiana University is looking to reinforce its “No Smoking” areas, which were set up in 2003 and largely ignored by a student body that smokes like a bunch of mostly-20-something chimneys.

The courtyard in front of D Vickers is one of the worst offenders as far as second-hand smoke. I’m not too sure how SLU hopes to enforce the areas, especially when second-hand smoke is a moving hazard in most cases (students have mastered walking and smoking at the same time).

The best I can say is good luck to law enforcement in these trying times for tobacco users in this state of excess.

Roundup of local, national pop culture hits and misses

LSU’s No. 21 — Even though Louisiana State University didn’t even crack U.S. News and World Report’s 2007 best colleges list, the school is still pretty “high” up on a list that really counts: CollegeHumor.com’s 2006-2007 Power Rankings.

The male chauvinists over at College Humor, with the help of similar-minded students that make up the site’s user base, set out to “scientifically” find the best schools where you can “have the maximum amount of fun while putting forth the least amount of effort.”

They asked all the tough questions: Are free condoms available on campus? (yes) What time do the bars close? (2 a.m.) How many students are interested in drugs? (To get this score, they used information provided by students on their own personal Facebook profiles.)

I admit, I’m a Southeastern girl through and through. And I know LSU has a reputation as a “party school.” Anyone who doubts that should find the Advocate article in which students feebly defended their alma mater in the face of the U.S. News and World Report omission. The best many could come up with was, “But we have a good football team!”

Maybe it’s me, but if I went to LSU I’d be more than a little disturbed about the disparity between these two lists. Then again, SLU made neither.

Just chalk it up to another case of Louisiana being first (or close to it) in everything bad. But wait, since when is a school having an all-male vocal group a bad thing?

•••

Nashville South — I’m becoming thoroughly convinced that Tangipahoa Parish is Nashville South. In my time at The Daily Star, I’ve interviewed and written about four country musicians or bands directing their own careers out of this parish. And I’ve only had this job since late June.

All of them have CDs, mostly on independent labels. They travel back and forth to Nashville all the time, i.e., Kayla LoCicero, and Chris Gray, who is in the middle of work on his third album there now. They work with award-winning songwriters. They travel all over the Southeast and even the world (The Honky Tonk Disciples are actually going on tour in Belgium soon).

And let’s not forget about Lindsey Cardinale, Ponchatoula’s other claim to fame. The “American Idol” finalist is apparently working on more songs in Nashville. Sure, she’s name-dropping Country Music Association vocalist of the year Ms. Carrie Underwood on her MySpace blog (they were roommates and kindred spirits during their “Idol” season), but she’s a star.

I’m interested to find out about any other country music talent in Hammond and the surrounding areas (and Todd O’Neil is on my list). Any suggestions?

•••

“The Sweet Escape” ... to Pop Music Hell — In national music news, Gwen Stefani is set to release her second solo album, “The Sweet Escape” on Dec. 5.

I’m only mentioning this because I am such a huge fan of Stefani, yet I am so disturbed about her artistic direction. If you (or your kids) are considering buying into Stefani’s brand, please do yourself a favor and go here.

Here’s the unfortunate gist. Current single “Wind it Up,” a strange conglomeration of hip-hop beats and yodeling from “The Sound of Music,” is actually one of the best songs on the CD.

Stefani’s first CD, “Love, Angel, Music, Baby” was groundbreaking. Just listening to current hits by Nelly Furtado and Fergie attests to the massive copycatting going on. But I think the experiment has run its course.

•••

Look at me! — OK, I couldn’t resist. Apparently Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are fast becoming BFFs. And when you run with Hilton, underwear is optional.

I suppose I don’t have to actually write what the paparazzi have pictures of this time. Let’s put it this way — one far-from-ladylike party momma plus one low-to-the-ground vehicle plus one bad camera angle equals... yep, you thought right.

So much for my prediction of a slightly more modest comeback.

If you’re interested: www.perezhilton.com.

In Britney's world, divorce signals maturity

Nov. 7 was a glorious day.

Not only was it a perfect day to go out and exercise our right to vote in the mid-term elections, it was also my birthday.

But it wasn’t my own personal “Best Day Ever” until election-day coverage broke into entertainment news.

Britney Spears had finally come to her senses. She was shipping Fed-Ex out.

I can’t say it was surprising that Spears decided to divorce her wannabe rapper husband of two years, Kevin Federline. There were just too many situations working against these two – the huge gap between Spears’ and Federline’s bank accounts; his two out-of-wedlock children with a previous girlfriend; his whiny and cocky ‘respect-me-because-I’m-a-serious-rapper’ attitude.
The entire world could see exactly what K-Fed really was, including Spears’ mother, according to some reports. As they say, love is blind.

Alissa, a local commenter on The Daily Star’s blog, pointed out that she’s known a few ‘Fed-Exes’ in her time. Even if they weren’t former backup dancers, they still fit the bill.

“I knew a few fellas back in my day who were the epitome of FedEx,” she said. “And then I grew up.”

After more than two years of being in the spotlight for events unrelated to her musical career – the 55-hour annulled Vegas wedding, the baby-riding-on-the-lap-while-driving incident and the doomed “Dateline” interview, just to name a few – Spears is finally realizing that she must make a career comeback to regain her credibility. The K-Fed disaster was just a final learning experience.

Spears, at 24, is finally all grown up.

It sounds strange for me to say that about a woman with two sons. But Spears’ situation is a little different – she’s been famous worldwide since she was 16 years old.

She, just like many child stars, simply hasn’t had the time to grow up.

I actually find Spears’ situation a lot like pop star Madonna’s, who, of course, shared that infamous kiss with Spears on the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards. That act was a lot more symbolic than either Spears or Madonna realized.

In 1995 Madonna announced to the world in an interview that she wanted to be a mother. Quickly after that, she gave birth to a daughter, Lourdes. The girl’s father is Carlos Leon, a personal trainer. Madonna and Leon were never rumored to be much more than a dating couple, and they would never be more than that.

Madonna simply wanted a child, and paternity never seemed to be a big concern. The world wasn’t shocked – consider the source. This was Madonna’s attempt at finding normality within a very public and nontraditional lifestyle.

Likewise, Spears, from the time she announced her engagement to Federline, proclaimed that she always wanted to be “a young mother.” And nothing was going to stop her from having what she thought was going to grant her a normal, adult life – a baby.

I guess I have to give props to Spears for marrying Federline beforehand, but she must not have thought about the ramifications of making Federline a dad for the third, then fourth, time.

I’m not sure if Spears could differentiate between wanting a new car and wanting a baby. In her world, if she wanted it, she got it. Only after putting up with a few harsh realities after the birth of Sean Preston was she finally able to snap out of dreamland. And the same happened with Federline – who was said to be growing increasingly violent during their fights about his flirting, among other things.

It is a shame that the children have to be involved in Spears’ highly public divorce. One positive thing is that they are too young to truly know what is happening.

But if not for the kids, I’m not sure we’d have the Spears we have today – confident, attractive and ready to reinvent herself. I have no reason to believe, even with the baby blunders, that Spears doesn’t love her sons with all her heart.

I’m not a huge fan of Spears’ music, but I know legions of her fans are rooting for a comeback. Unlike a few of this column’s commenters, I think her new image will err on the modest side. With acts like Fergie, I’m not sure even Spears – formerly the top saleswoman of sex – can outdo what’s on the popular music landscape right now.

She’ll just need to do some serious reinventing – something her pal Madonna knows a lot about.

Spears’ new CD is due in early 2007.

Blogging Britney

As you all know by now, our hometown girl extraordinaire, Britney Spears, has filed for divorce from her husband of just over two years, Kevin Federline.

And sources as credible as People magazine say Spears visited in Kentwood earlier this week.

This plot has more twists and turns than a game of Chutes and Ladders, with Federline apparently plotting to sell a sex tape of he and Spears in an attempt to weasel out of the pair's supposed iron-clad prenuptial agreement. (Boy must he feel dumb for agreeing to sign that.)

And to top it all off, Spears seems to be staging a comeback.

Will this somewhat-postive (in my opinion) Britney news turn out to be too good to be true? What do you think of her comeback? Can she regain her superstar status? Does Britney, like Times Picayune columnist Chris Rose said in his column last week, put the "ho" back in Tangipahoa?

Tak, discuss, mingle.

Media's messages on body image not hard to decipher

Monday night found me watching the impossibly toned Jennifer Nettles hop around the stage on the Country Music Association Awards feeling just a little inadequate. Nettles is the lead singer of country pop duo Sugarland. If I remember correctly, Sugarland used to be a trio. Suddenly I started to wonder what happened to the group’s plain-looking, not-so-toned, short-haired female guitarist.

Maybe she faded into obscurity in light of the fact that Nettles was not only the group’s lead singer, but for all intents and purposes, the entire band. If you watch the band’s video for “Just Might (Make Me Believe)” it’s tough to tell if there are any members other than Nettles. What can I say? The girl can sing… and her face can sell records.

It’s true that plain-looking people tend to fade into the background. And lately television hasn’t been shy in pointing out that sad fact of biology.

On Friday, “20/20’s” John Stossel set out to uncover what we all already knew about “Privilege in America.” He discussed nepotism and unfair treatment of poor vs. wealthy citizens. He even did some great hidden-camera “investigations” in which a celebrity look-alike sailed to the front of the line in a busy coffee shop just to gauge the reactions. (What were people going to say — oh, yes, we love being cut in front of by Paris Hilton?)

The most harsh experiment came when he took two young women — one considered attractive and one considered plain — and put them head-to-head in a competition for tips at a sports bar and grill. The attractive waitress came back with about $50 more in tips than the other. Another experiment used the same premise and showed that people are more willing to help beautiful people if they drop a pile of books in the street.

Stossel really got me thinking about the predicament we find ourselves in with regard to body image. It doesn’t take Tyra Banks or Vanessa Manillo dressing up as overweight “Ugly Betties” to tell me that this discrimination really does occur (both of which actually happened, by the way).

Academics and psychiatrists are railing against the “rail” thin models filling fashion magazines. French officials recently outlawed anorexic models walking the catwalk in fashion shows. But none of that changes the fact that we are biologically wired to show favor toward beauty. That’s the case according to anthropologist Helen Fisher, who said that beauty appeals to a primal mechanism. Beauty simply equals good genes in our brains. We’re attracted to beauty, and we just can’t help it. We also think beautiful people are smart, hard working and interesting. Anyone who has seen the “Anna Nicole” show knows, mentally, that’s not true.

But the good thing, Stossel said, is that we are now able to help ourselves in the race to be beautiful. “Extreme Makeover” started the whole plastic surgery craze, but it was canceled last week. Luckily you’re never far from a doctor willing to fix your imperfections for the right price.

And it seems like we never make much progress on our want to accept all body types. A typical teen magazine might feature one or two models who happen to be a size 10 instead of a size eight, and that is supposed to suffice for progress. We watch “Celebrity Fit Club” and try to be happy because a has-been celebrity has dropped two pounds. We make front-page news out of an overweight lingerie model strutting down the runway but continue to care about the exploits of such pillars of the community as Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell.

I really don’t see this pattern changing, at least not until America Ferrera of ABC’s “Ugly Betty” can carry a blockbuster film and make millions. That would mean that Angelina Jolie, Reese Witherspoon, Salma Hayek and Pamela Anderson would have to die in a horrific accident.

And everyone knows beautiful people wear their seat belts, right?